That's Dr Callaghan to You
by CavalierQueen
Summary: Snark lives in this story so let go of whatever cannon you may require and just roll with it.  A sense of humor is required. Minor spoilers for "Fault Lines."


_**That's Dr. Callaghan to You**_

A/N: First of all, I don't own. 'Nuff said. Second, snark lives in this story so let go of whatever cannon you may require and **just roll with it. A sense of humor is required.** Minor spoilers for "Fault Lines." I despise arrogant authoritarian asshats. ("Did she just use the word asshat? Yes she did.") Jules has an OOC surprise. Reviews are beloved.

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><p>Jules settled calmly into her chair while Toth placed the archaic, but accurate polygraph sensors on her fingers. It would measure her blood pressure, breathing, and pulse. She watched him carefully, her expression blank.<p>

She was amused that he had the Boss hooked to one of these machines as well. It was unorthodox to say the least, and only showed how much he wanted to break the team, especially finding places where Sarge knew information, or didn't, that would might identify those fault lines that all teams had. The fault lines that this man made his living, had made his reputation finding, and like the cracks in an ice cube, shattering into smaller pieces. Sarge would not be able to control his heartbeat or pulse, but he _was_ expert at not lying and yet not telling the whole the truth with the best of them. Toth was unlikely to catch Sarge in any real 'tells.'

Toth dove right in, his oily voice filling the room. He had what Jules would call a smarmy smile, trying for sincere but failing miserably.

"I need to establish a base line for you. Give me three truths and a lie in that order." She knew the drill. No surprises.

"My name is Julianna Callaghan. I'm 36. I'm from Madison Hat Alberta. And I love quilting."

"Thank you, Julianna. Now some word association." So imperturbable. So docile. So like a snake sleeping in the sun. So poisonous. He stank with deceit.

"_Stream of consciousness."_ The game was on_._

"_That's right."_

"That's left."

"_You started without me."_

"Try to keep up." She saw Toth's eye brow raise in surprise at her nervy answer and guessed he rarely had a subject talk back to him. Well, he hadn't met her before.

Greg snickered from the side. She was the first of the team who wasn't afraid to give a little back to Toth. Ed hadn't been up yet, and he was likely to as well, but he could always count on the Callaghan snark.

The drill continued. Jules was bored already, but she knew the best was yet to come. Toth was completely predictable. She fortunately, was not.

"_Country."_ _"_Horizon." "_Bedtime." _"Story." "_Sam Braddock."_

Ah, there it was, just as expected. Jules stopped and gave Dr. Toth a slight smile, knowing that he believed he had just set a landmine and she'd stepped on it.

"Partner," her eyebrow lifted slightly, mocking him. She didn't have to look at the line on the graph. It had stayed absolutely still, just like all the other lines… base line her ass. Smug son of a bitch.

"By partner, you mean lover?"

"Do I, _Dr._ Toth?

"Constable Callaghan, I will remind you that you are required to answer my questions."

"I believe I am Dr. Toth. What else would you like me to say?"

"I will repeat, by partner do you mean lover?" He dragged the word lover out like it was something dirty, disgusting, shameful. Something she should be embarrassed about, expecting her to hang her head in shame. She wasn't ashamed, and she wasn't taking his pathetic excuse for bait. She was smarter than that. Her relationship with Sam deserved more and was definitely not something she had any intention of discussing with this control freak.

"Answer my question Constable or I will be forced to have you brought up on disciplinary charges!" Toth's face had turned red as he stood from his chair, leaning over the table trying to intimidate the small woman across from him.

Jules never moved, her polygraph line never moved, one would think the old machine wasn't even working. She gave Dr. Toth a slightly crooked smile that screamed her contempt as she looked up at him from where she sat, enjoying his distress while she watched his eyes as she dropped her own little bombshell. "Why don't you call me Dr. Callaghan, Dr. Toth? We _are_ colleagues after all." Her voice was absolutely calm, her breathing never increased, and she knew her blood pressure was the same as it was when she walked in the room. She'd been trained by the very best. He just didn't know it yet.

"Excuse me?" Toth's eyes were big as he stood over her, stunned at her words.

"PhD, Counter Terrorism, NYU." She watched his face turn red and flustered as he reached for his papers. Well, at least the topic of Sam was off the table.

"What _Dr._ Toth? Something you didn't know?" she continued.

Toth shuffled through his papers, looking again for the information he wouldn't find. Parker looked at Jules sideways, surprised at the new information, but feeling the sensation of a lot of puzzle pieces finally fitting together. Her ability to understand Eastern Romanian in the middle of a crisis, her almost instant bond with Sam when he joined the team after serving two tours in Afghanistan, the 'instinctive' knowledge she had about how terrorists worked, how just damn smart she was without actually letting anyone know. He wondered what had happened that had brought her to the SRU and out of what must have been some sort of secret life she didn't want to share. Or maybe something she couldn't. It sure wasn't in her files. And Toth hadn't known either, which pleased Parker to no end. His face stayed completely neutral while he watched the daughter he'd never had take on the monster he'd just met. Somehow he wasn't afraid at all.

"Why wasn't this in your file, Dr. Callaghan?"

"You aren't going to challenge my credentials, Dr.?"

"Quit answering my questions with a question," Toth snapped back. She was wishing she had a finger cuff on him right now.

"Isn't that how psychologists worked?"

"This is _my _interrogation Callaghan. You will answer _my_ questions."

Parker sat forward, "Interr-"

Jules just smiled at Toth, cutting Parker off, and shrugged her shoulders. "Interrogation, Dr. Toth? I thought this was an evaluation, intended to requalify Team 1 for duty. Interrogation seems inappropriate, don't you think?" She turned her attention to Sgt. Parker, addressing her question to him.

Parker leaned forward, taking his cue from Jules. "Interrogation is _clearly_ not appropriate in this circumstance. And as you have obviously become antagonistic towards my officers and not just implied but demanded that you be allowed to continue to_ interrogate_ Constable Callaghan, I must terminate this requalification exercise, seize any of your notes and previous recordings, and we will reschedule this requalification for another time, under more appropriate conditions, with another evaluator. Thank you for your time, _Dr._ Toth."

"You have no right to do this. I'll speak with Commander Halloran immediately!" Toth was agitated and yelling at Sgt. Parker by now.

Parker's best negotiation voice kicked in, feeling for the first time all day, back in the driver seat, speaking calmly, watching Toth melt down in front of him. He clearly did not like having his world rocked in any way. Parker was privately amused. He'd make a terrible SRU officer, which made him look quite the fool given all the arrogance he had served up to his officers all day making them all feel inadequate. He could dish it out but he sure didn't like it when the tables were turned. And Jules had turned the tables quite effectively.

"Actually, Dr. Toth, I'll be speaking with the Commander. I'm quite sure he'll agree with me in this matter. I think your time would be better spent packing up your equipment. Please leave your files with Constable Callaghan. Jules, do you mind?"

"No sir."

Jules had moved over to the table to begin packing the antiquated polygraph machines, while Toth just stood staring at her like he never seen her before.

Without looking up from her task, Jules began to speak. "Dr. Toth, perhaps you have been too busy to read the latest findings in the journals. Polygraphs aren't actually believed to be very reliable anymore. Time after time, they have been found to create answers based on the emotions of the individuals… the examiner, that would be you in this case, psychs the subject into becoming nervous about something they may otherwise not have been nervous or cared about thereby giving a false positive or false negative reading.

"The fact that you choose to use dual machines, old ones at that, and your methodology is, well…very early 20th century to be kind… I would suggest that your 'record' for accuracy be examined. If your behavior here is indicative of your professionalism elsewhere, perhaps you need to reevaluate your line of work."

Toth swallowed hard, finding it extraordinary that this Constable Nobody was dressing him down in front of her Sgt. and yet he couldn't find any fault with what she had said. She was well-informed, she was well-educated, and she had clearly beaten him at his own game.

Before leaving, Parker asked, "Jules? You good?"

"I'm good, Boss. I hear Sophie's in labor. Want to go? This won't take long." She shot Toth a very smug look as she continued to work on the polygraph kits.

Parker nodded his head and turned to leave when he heard Toth ask Jules in a frustrated voice. "How could this not have been in your file? I don't understand."

"It's Top Secret."

"But I have Clearance."

Jules grinned at him. "Not for me, Dr. Toth. Never for me."

_fin_

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><p>Reviews give me happy feet. Kudos to reviewers who get the episode name with the asshat quote in it! Would love to do more with Jules and her secret background if anyone wanted to read it. Be kind and hit the review button<p> 


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